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Hop on the Bus, Gus
As ridiculous as it sounds, this semester I have developed a serious dislike of one particular bus driver.
I remain a big fan of the CityExpress! service, and the kid in me still gets a kick out of riding on the ultra-extended "bendy" buses they've got on the route. But as I depend on TheBus to get me back to work after my Tuesday and Thursday class — hopefully in time to be able to wolf down a decent lunch — my humor and patience has its limits. At first I thought I was just too uptight. (That remains a possibility in all situations, of course.) Then, I suspected this particular driver was just having a bad week. But now that I have been subject to his bus-operatorisms quite regularly for the last month, I'm quite comfortable in stating quite simply that he sucks. First, he's always late. Until this guy started showing up for the noontime run from Sinclair Circle, I'd never see more than ten or eleven people queue up at the stop before a bus came along. But whenever this guy is at the wheel, no matter when he arrives, there's always a big grumpy crowd waiting. (Big enough to fill the bus, to be sure.) He's always light-years behind the previous bus, and the bus behind him almost always shows up while he's stopped at the Circle. And boy, does he stop. After all the passengers coming to UH disembark, he shuts down the bus, and rummages through his backpack for what seems like forever before opening the door. But wait! Before anyone gets on, he gets off. He waves the assembled throng onto the bus, and marches off across Bachman Lawn, lighting up a cigarette on his way to — presumably — go to the little boys room. The unattended bus throws a lot of people off. Once a cab driver who was stuck behind him in the Circle started honking his horn and yelling. He then got out and stormed up along the length of the bus, ready to give the driver piece of his mind. The look on his face when he saw the empty seat was priceless, as was the illegal U-turn and exit he made for himself soon afterward. So everyone bundles on the unattended bus, and confused passengers end up grabbing their own transfer tickets and asking other riders for help. In fact, at least a handful of travelers who've gone through this routine a few times have started taking advantage of the one good thing about this driver's laziness: a free ride. The driver eventually reappears. He takes his sweet time ambling back to the bus, packing up his backpack, and getting settled in his chair. He'll start it up and — depending on his bladder's condition that day — we finally pull out onto University Avenue anywhere from 12:15 to 12:30. (This for a bus that is supposed to be underway by noon.) Once we're on the road, though, the lethargic blob we endured at the Circle turns into a maniac. Now, bus drivers are human, and I suspect despite their extensive training, they all get worked up now and then. I've seen more than a few iffy maneuvers and heard a few choice phrases. But this driver is shamelessly aggressive... a problem that's compounded a dozen-fold by the fact that he's driving one of the rillyrilly big buses. He speeds. (When we hit the little hill near Hard Rock Cafe, people in the rear extension practically fly out of their seats.) He runs red lights (especially at Kapi`olani and Ke`eaumoku, already a messy intersection). He passes other buses, even when we're coming up on a shared stop. And he goes out of his way to make trouble for other drivers, speeding up to block cars from getting around him before the next intersection, or blocking driveways and side streets. I mean, I know people in cars do stupid things around buses, but I think bus drivers need to just accept it and deal with it. (Most do.) I doubt creaming a Toyota Echo will really change the driving habits of all Honolulu residents. It's gotten so bad, I practically run across campus after my class to catch the earlier 11:45 a.m. bus. And I've already drafted a grumpy note to TheBus detailing all of the above, plus bus numbers, dates and times. I was about to send it, too... until today. I got another driver who might challenge the first one for title of Worst Operator of the Year. His driving was okay, actually. But my fellow passengers and I were struck mostly by the juvenile conversation he was having with one of his friends. (A conversation that nothing, not even a schedule, could interrupt.) While we sat and waited, again, on the bus parked at Sinclair Circle, we listened as he and his buddy talked about everything from what they thought of UH instructors to what they had planned for lunch. This driver actually bragged about how he didn't read the daily road advisory this morning, and nearly got lost after hitting road construction at the bottom of University. (His solution was to block the intersection and turn between a couple of backhoes after the light turned.) He also mentioned something about once jumping a curb and knocking over a sign or two. And even after we were well underway, he suddenly decided he had to use the bathroom as we neared the Municipal Building, and just hopped off and disappeared for five minutes at the Alapai Express Lot. The woman in front of me — already turning red after we left UH late — summed up most of our thoughts when she exclaimed, "What the fuck?" I thought the CityExpress! route and the big shiny "bendy" buses were the pride of the city. But they're definitely not putting their top guns in the driver's seat. If that's all it takes, and if they're paid what I'm told they're paid... my career options aren't as limited as I thought they were.
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· Created: 13 November 1997
· Last Modified: 14 January 2008